The Honor and Pleasure of Being a Mother

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Photo by Birmingham Museums Trust on Unsplash

I’ve been getting a lot of thanks today for my work as a mother. I just wanna say, it’s my pleasure!

I’ve also heard a lot today about the sacrifices mothers make, and I have a few thoughts on this.

The idea of sacrifice that often surrounds conversations on motherhood is a little one dimensional. ‘Sacrifice' in the practical context of motherhood is really just about opportunity cost. Time is limited and finite. You have to decide what to do with the time you have in support of your mission in life. You've got to make tradeoffs as a mom. Want to have patience for your kids tomorrow? Well, you should probably sleep tonight instead of staying up late talking to friends on the phone. Want to avoid tantrums at bedtime? You might need to leave that event early despite the great time you're having. But people make these tradeoffs all the time in the name of personal gain in different contexts, and with less bathing in the drama of the idea of self-sacrifice. To be leaner, you’ve gotta eat less, or eat the same and move more. Want bigger muscles? You need to lift. Want a better job? You need to hone your skills and network. Practically speaking, these tradeoffs are no different in parenthood. Want to raise functional kids? You've got to do the things you believe support this outcome.

But you're not sacrificing yourself - that's a pretty silly thought considering all the tremendous benefits that come along with being a mother. But put aside all the obvious opportunities for love and joy and a sense of accomplishment that come from being a mom, and put aside even the fact that it’s still totally possible to take care of yourself, and think instead of all the unavoidable hard work and suffering: There is meaning in this! The 'sacrifices' you make are for you.

All this she gives because it does her own heart good.

Now, there is another group of women I'd like to thank today - the women who spew rhetoric about independence and identity and how they don't want to give themselves over to being "just a mom." Thanks to your sacrifice, I have a very clear picture of why my choice to drop that mindset was a good one. Because of your stubborn dedication to lonely materialism, I have a great example to offer my children when I advise they do more with their lives than become just another cog in the machine.

I'd like to say I hope you change your minds, but I'm currently undecided on this. After all, perhaps your sacrifice helps nature select against the traits that support globohomo. Who knows, you might just save the world.

But to those of you on the fence, I repeat: time is limited. If you're unsure if having a family you can chill with and enjoy for the rest of your life is important to you, there is at least one thing you can know for sure: you don't have forever to choose.

Thanks for rucking with me. Please enjoy the music as you exit.