The Problem Separation Technique
The art of breaking down complex internal problems
Read Grant’s article here…
Grant argues that forecasting with accuracy leaves no room for optimism or pessimism. This borrows, as I understand it, from the Buddhist perspective that hope, like suffering, is a consequence of worldly attachment. Hopeful optimism can only exist because of desire, which can only exist because of material attachment. In order to achieve Nirvana, one must let go of worldly attachment. Hope is therefore a distraction, a blockage in one’s pursuit of total peace, of Nirvana. Similarly, in order to achieve a clear view of the horizon, one must let go of hope. The practice of parsing forecasting from hope is easily conflated with pessimism - the position that there is no point in hoping because the trajectory of the world is unchangeably slanted toward unsavory evil outcomes.
Grant mentions that REBT is founded in the belief that the universe does not owe us anything. This position is quite apt, but I believe it can be broken down into constituent parts that make it more obvious why it is not representative of pessimism in conception or, more importantly, in practice.
In particular, I think the basis of the problem separation technique echos Grant’s points on rational optimism and hope.
The Problem Separation Technique
REBT draws mainly from Stoic philosophy to construct helpful tools for minimizing one’s suffering in life. One of these tools is called the problem separation technique. This underrated and simple technique can help us more readily recognize the difference between an emotional or behavioral challenge and a practical challenge. Better yet, it can help us see when a given problem has both components.
It can help us identify where in our lives we have agency, and where we do not.
It involves addressing the emotional and the practical components of your problems separately. Simply put, this is done because each type of problem typically requires its own particular kind of solution.
When your wife feels invalidated because you haven’t taken the trash out without being prompted to do so in months, chances are taking it out now will not ameliorate her concerns.
But why?
Because the problem she is complaining about is emotional in nature, and your proposed solution is a practical one.
There is a natural relationship between the practical and emotional/behavioral sides of any challenge, and sometimes emotional problems may seem to fix themselves through consistently applying practical measures. For example, I’ve had dozens of girlfriends over the years who at some point in their lives felt embarrassed to be the “fat girl” at the gym. Through what seemed like sheer perseverance of will, some of them got themselves to the gym anyway and eventually lost the weight and were no longer embarrassed to go to the gym. This is where proponents of the branch of REBT called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) might point to behavioral consistency as the root cause of the improved emotional symptom of embarrassment.
But.
What were my friends telling themselves before they got to the gym in the first place? While CBT more or less argues that behaviors govern emotional outcomes, REBT argues that thoughts/beliefs govern emotional and behavioral outcomes. In the examples of the women I know personally who continued to go to the gym despite their embarrassment, they each told themselves something about their situation before walking through the doors of their local fitness center. The patterns of thought that got these women to the gym all had one thing in common: they separated the emotional problem of embarrassment from the practical problem of wanting to lose weight. They first challenged the irrational thinking that might have otherwise kept them away from the gym, and then implemented all of the practical strategies they’d outlined for accomplishing their goal of achieving a more favorable body composition.
While there is an observable relationship between behaviors and outcomes, philosophy is often unfortunately underrated as the force behind the thoughts which precede feelings and behaviors. The problem separation technique helps us assess the thoughts we have about our situations with greater clarity.
Let’s discuss these emotional/behavioral and practical components of problems in greater detail.
The emotional/behavioral problem component and its “musts” and “shoulds”
When faced with a problem, take some time to identify what cognitive causes are contributing to your strife. Which irrational beliefs are responsible for the emotional or behavioral component of your problem?
How can we do this?
It may seem naive - dare I venture to say that it may seem hopelessly optimistic - to assume that people of today’s culture are sophisticated enough on average to take the critical first step toward addressing their emotional disturbances by acknowledging and taking ownership of the irrational beliefs that produce their negative outlook or actions. After all, we humans are famous for rationalizing even the most obviously cowardly of beliefs. But we are also usually quite good at recalling our regrettable actions and observing how we feel about something, even if communicating this to others is difficult for some of us.
For this reason, it can be confusing to start by trying to identify the faulty reasoning at the core of your maladaptive symptoms.
Instead, start working through emotional and behavioral problems simply by naming the disturbing feeling or behavior. In REBT terms, this is called the Behavioral/Emotional Consequence.
Say you are plagued by ongoing depression. That’s an emotional consequence. Write it down.
C: I feel depressed
Next, think of the most recent example of a time when you felt depressed. In REBT terms, this is called the Activating Event.
You are wise not to think of distant examples of times in which you experienced your disturbing symptom. You don’t need to go all the way back to that time in second grade when your drunk father called you a skunk. There is no reason to sift through your garbage can for evidence of a mess in your house when there is a pile of week-old orange peels sitting right on your kitchen counter. No, instead keep the answer to this question to the most recent instance of depression you can think of and write it down.
Let’s say you recall feeling especially depressed last Tuesday after work. What you write may look something like this…
A: Last Tuesday was hell. It was another long day of watching someone else filling the position I want. On the drive home, I was thinking of how no one ever seems to notice my work ethic, my efforts to be pleasant around the office, or my ability to produce positive results. I was thinking that maybe I’m not the skilled professional I think I am. If no one else has commented on my talents, then maybe they don’t exist. Maybe I’m delusional. I started to tear up a little bit. Maybe I’m just a pathetic loser…
Now that you have identified the emotional disturbance to be depression, and the contextual activating event to be last Tuesday's ruminations following a day of perceived under appreciation at work, you can ask the question most critical to this side of the problem separation technique: What were you telling yourself about the situation as you were becoming depressed about it? See if you can frame this statement using one of two words: must or should. What you come up with is called the Irrational Belief and it will perhaps look something like this…
B: I’m forty-six. By now, I should be a tier nine employee. There’s no way I’ll be able to make tier ten by the time I want to retire! I’ll be stuck at this level forever, everyone is right to think poorly of me. I’m an asshat.
The best way to address emotional or behavioral disturbances is to challenge, or Dispute, the irrational beliefs at their core. Evaluate them soctratically and contradict them, as such:
D:
Why, logically, am I a loser for not having a better paying, higher status job?
Logically, it does not follow that I am a loser because I only have a tier five job. The statement that I am a loser for this is not supported by anything besides my own decision to utterly condemn myself just because I don’t presently have something I want.
How does my current job title serve as evidence that I am a loser?
It doesn’t, and that is made clearer by the fact that I do not view my peers this way.
Why must I retire as soon as I had planned on it? If I don’t retire by then, how does this prove that I’m an asshat?
This demand is not productive or supported by effective reasoning. Who says I have to retire at all? I am not owed a retirement by any age, let alone at all. That isn’t how life works. I’m not entitled to things just because I want them and demand them irrationally!
Why should I be in the position I want by my current age to prove that I am not a loser?
Where is there any compelling evidence that I should be anywhere other than where I am right now? The past is unchangeable, and the future is unknowable. Therefore, I cannot alter whatever brought me here now, and I cannot know that my being here now is not precisely what may bring me to a more favorable status at some future point in time.
Why must I have any title at work in order to accept myself unconditionally?
My title at work does not represent the whole of my being. I am vast. There is much more to me than my occupation. And regardless of my station in life, I can accept myself as a part of the infinite cosmos.
Why mustn’t I be a loser according to myself or others?
There is no evidence that what others think about me is necessarily true, just as there is no evidence that if it is true I have no capacity to tolerate that some people will see me in an unflattering light. My own self-acceptance is not a function of the opinions of others. Being dissatisfied with my job status doesn’t make me worthless, that’s a practical matter I want to sort out.
Note: Number six may indicate what’s referred to as a Secondary Disturbance. You can read a little more about that in my article here.
The approach in the disputing example above is where some readers may mistake the fundamental philosophy of REBT with pessimism/defeatism. After all, unconditional self-acceptance sounds kind of like accepting that you are a helpless loser and that you may as well not try to change that from a practical standpoint if you can accept yourself no matter what philosophically.
But unconditional self-acceptance doesn't negate material need, or the innate moral sense, or the psychological need for purpose. For most of us, the basic acknowledgment that we are imperfect is nowhere near enough to bypass the human conditions that compel us to act as the social creatures we are without causing uncomfortable cognitive dissonance. For those among us who wish such a loophole existed, it holds that understanding that you are imperfect is not an excuse to do nothing. Unconditional self-acceptance at the cognitive level merely clears the path for honest, undeterred self-assessment and purposeful action on the practical level.
As Grant pointed out, we are owed nothing from the universe. You may want something other than what you have, but that is entirely different - that is a conversation to be had under the practical category of your problem. And if, for now, you meet all the specs of being a “loser” according to your own values and preferences, for example, what other definition of being a loser could possibly be more apt?
It may be a harsh and difficult thing to admit to yourself that you have stagnated in life. But failure to recognize the reality of your situation will only be a hindrance to your ability to solve your problem from either an emotional or practical angle. Refusing to accept that you are a “loser” in an emotional sense is not the same thing as accepting mediocrity when there is something you can and want to do to change the status of a given area of your life.
What you cannot change is the past. What you cannot dictate is the future. You cannot choose your situation at every level. What you do have agency over are the patterns of thought that govern your feelings and what you do with the time that is given to you. This is the rational optimism inherent to REBT. It is not about telling yourself you’re not a loser when you believe you meet all the practical criteria of one. It’s not about looking to others to provide you with praise you can take as “proof" that your own assessment is wrong. That is the myth of self-esteem, of self-delusion, of motivated reasoning, of self-deceit, of an external locus of control, of positive reframing - the annoying sort of irrational optimism that causes you cognitive dissonance as you repeat your mantra, “I am not a loser!” ad nauseam.
We are not all “winners” in the sense that life does not distribute good fortune evenly. Further, our attempts to improve our circumstances don’t always succeed. But the sort of self-acceptance offered by the philosophy of REBT (and the stoics that came long before its conception) is not about deluding yourself into believing you’re happy that you're not living up to your own standards, or that you don’t really perceive yourself that way when, in fact, you do in a practical sense. It’s about developing the technology to avoid actively disturbing yourself about the facts as you see them. In this way, you let go of distraction. You are not hoping you’re not a “loser.” You’re acknowledging that even if this is true according to an honest and practical assessment of your situation, you have the capacity to accept yourself at a spiritual level as an imperfect human being. It’s about freeing up cognitive energy that can then be channeled toward more productive things besides berating yourself to no avail.
So, once you have disputed the faulty beliefs behind your emotional difficulties - depression, in keeping to our example - you can begin to rebuild your philosophy in terms of preferences rather than the irrational demands that almost always reduce down to the form of musts and shoulds. This is called the Effective New Philosophy. It might resemble this…
E: I would prefer to be a level nine executive by now, but I am not. Even though I dislike this fact, there is nothing etched in stone that proves I must be in a higher status position in order to view myself as a human being worthy of my own acceptance. I prefer for others to see me as the competent individual I believe I am rather than as a loser, but I cannot control what others think, only how I chose to conceive of my own situation. I want to be a hotshot, but there is no proof I should be one just because I want it very, very much. There are things I can do to work toward that goal, and I will be more effective at them if I discontinue this nonsense of calling myself a loser just because of my job status. I would not speak to a friend that way, so why speak to myself that way? It does no good to put myself down. I can choose to unconditionally accept myself instead and handle my practical challenges as a separate matter without provoking myself emotionally.
Notice that no part of the techniques applied to the emotional component of the example problem involve addressing things related to career goals. Part of the problem our imaginary depressed person is faced with is work-related, but it is an illusion to think that their emotional problems are a direct result of their situation. Instead, these emotional problems stem directly from the irrational beliefs at the core of the person’s philosophy. Now that they have reconsidered these beliefs, they can identify the resultant New Feelings they notice.
F: I’ve done some soul searching. I’ve considered and disputed the irrational source of my disturbing feelings, and now I feel some relief and am reenergized.
As the saying goes, Rome wasn’t built in a day. It may take much - much! - practice to create new thinking habits that will support positive emotions and behaviors. Even a state of emotional/behavioral neutrality can take time and patience to achieve. But every iteration of a thought strengthens its connection between the various related areas of our minds and bodies. We are wise to iterate the effective philosophies that support emotional tranquility and the behaviors that align best with our values and purpose.
The practical problem component and its “musts” and “shoulds”
This category is where we are free to do the business of hoping that everything we plan to do will have the desired outcome. Believing that nothing we do will have any meaningful impact for no reason we can substantiate is the sort of pessimism that got us into trouble in the emotional sense.
Let’s keep to our example of our depressed person. He’s in a situation at work that he dislikes. As obvious as this will seem to a great number of people reading this, it is important that he takes action to improve his situation. Arguably, he is wise to observe that the process of working toward his desired outcomes is an outcome unto itself with great implications for his overall sense of meaning. So, let us see how he might begin to approach the practical angle of his problem...
I recognize that I am guilty of the thinking trap of mind reading. I have allowed myself to assume I know what everyone on my team thinks of my professional performance without doing the work of asking them. Is there someone at work who oversees my role within the company who would be willing to provide me with a professional evaluation?
Next time I get into my car after work, I will try listening to some of my favorite music to cheer me up and keep me from ruminating. Maybe I’ll listen to an audiobook. If I'm not in the mood for any fictional works, maybe I can check Audible for a book on an area of my skillset that I want to improve, or a book that discusses skills that may prove valuable in a personal setting as well as a professional setting - like that book on negotiation I’ve been wanting to read. This will help prevent me ruminating and I stand to learn something while I’m at it.
I’ll try calling some of my friends and explain my situation to them. They may help me generate some ideas on how to overcome this professional slump.
I’ve been neglecting to exercise regularly. Perhaps a pleasant walk outside after work will be naturally invigorating.
I must speak with my supervisor about the concerns I have over my career stagnation in order to understand why I have not been promoted in four years.
I should research what others in my situation are doing to break out of the mold.
Our depressed friend from above will do well to apply his strategy for a few weeks and then reassess and make adjustments as needed.
If our friend feels overwhelmed or frustrated by the work ahead, he is wise to be mindful that steady diligence stands to increase his frustration tolerance over time.
You are keen to have noticed the must in number five and the should in number six. When we are discussing problems in a practical sense, terms like must and should carry logical and literal meaning. If your supervisor is the most likely person to be able to answer questions you have about your job advancement, saying you must speak with them is not an indication of an irrational demand, but rather a reference to part of the stepwise process you will apply toward accomplishing your goals.
It is critically important to maintain attention to lifestyle fundamentals. This is the basic, indispensable framework of wellbeing. If you are suffering in any of the following areas, spend some time considering if an irrational pattern of thought might explain why. Use the problem separation technique to first discover whether an irrational belief is behind why this is a problematic area for you, and then what you’re going to do about it.
Much more can be said on this topic, but this framework essentially boils down to the following list:
Exercise regularly
Consume adequate amounts of omega-3 fatty acids, protein, and water
Get enough sleep that you do not feel tired upon waking
Socialize within your community in person
Spend time in nature every week and get regular sunshine
Act purposefully
Some of the items on this list can be done at the same time! See the book Atomic Habits for tips on how to “habit stack” and find more time for self-care.
Past failures and present circumstances may establish predictive patterns, but those patters are only likely to continue if we choose not to alter course. Facts about the past are not always sufficient and finite predictors of the future. So take heart, and carry on.
Closing thoughts
There is much, much more to say on this topic. I hope I have given you something worthy of your consideration in the meantime.
You will have noticed that the section on the emotional/behavioral component of problems consists of various parts that were explored out of order but nonetheless correlate to an A-F model. This model is called a three-minute exercise and it was popularized within the field of REBT by clinical psychologist Dr. Michael Edelstein. A derivative of Dr. Edelstein’s format has also come into fashion in the US Military through the Master Resiliency Training course (MRT).
It is good news that we are often the cause of our own emotional/ behavioral or practical strife. For this news reveals that we have agency over these areas of our lives. If we are central to the cause, then we are also key to the solution.
Robert Barnes, who I’m a very big fan of, often uses the saying “motivation is the master of reason.” If you want to reason more effectively, make it your primary motivation to see things as they are to the best of your abilities by suspending how you wish they would be as you process information.
Using the problem separation technique, we can clearly delineate our emotional, behavioral, and practical problems and the thoughts that preside over them. This can help us see what is within the scope of our influence, and develop strategies for each component of the problems we face accordingly. Taking stock of what we can do and committing to doing it ensures that hope is always rational.
Thanks for rucking with me. Please enjoy the music as you exit.