This is really a great piece. A bit wordy for some, perhaps, but well worth reading through, twice if needed.
I particularly appreciate your pointing out that it isn't that the feminine competition style is bad per se, or that women are bad for favoring it, but that it is simply what women are biologically prone to favor, and that aspects become quite negative as they become exaggerated and one must be on guard against that. That sort of nuance is simply lacking in most discussions of the topic. Men and women tend to approach competitive situations differently through different methods, and both methods can go wrong when applied badly; the less introspective and careful will be more prone towards veering off into the bad.
Thanks for reading this! I was a little concerned about wordiness, so it's nice to have some external validation for that concern. I do see places where my writing could stand to lose some fat. I'm working on this aspect of my writing.
I agree that there is some nuance unfortunately missing from this discussion. People can be quite reactionary to things they dislike. There's a lot of noise between people of opposing views, online especially. Lots of pigeonholing. "You're a man so you obviously like XYZ and think XYZ about women." "You're a woman so you should obviously be XYZing." It's nauseating.
Great stuff! Ever since John Carter's piece, I knew it was only a matter of time before we were gifted a "Tonic Femininity" essay. I've always thought femininity as a concept is harder to put into words, but I'm not sure if that's just me looking in as a man or what. Looking forward especially to reading part 2-- we get hit over the head these days with discussions about toxic masculinity, but toxic femininity on the other hand is under discussed. Cheers!
Thank you so much for reading! I agree. As soon as that article came out, I was curious how tonic femininity might be described. But even after the many articles on tonic masculinity that followed, I had to do some thinking about how the tonic concept could be applied to femininity while doing justice to both. When I learned about Joyce Benenson's work, I realized the framework of female competition would be a suitable tool for getting the conversation started. Just speculating here, but perhaps the reason you've thought the concept of femininity is harder to articulate has to do with this very framework. Women may compete less conspicuously than men on average, but they are still competing nonetheless. It's just harder to detect. I found Dr. Benenson's work very clarifying and satisfying as a model for understanding myself a little better as well as broadening my ability to articulate what is happening much of the time in my interactions with other women.
I am also in agreement with you on how toxic masculinity is far overblown compared to the taboo conversation about toxic femininity. I'm not entirely sure, but I also suspect one reason it is harder to hold women accountable for their toxicity is that they can be very good at concealing it through the safe, subtle, and solitary methods described here.
This is really a great piece. A bit wordy for some, perhaps, but well worth reading through, twice if needed.
I particularly appreciate your pointing out that it isn't that the feminine competition style is bad per se, or that women are bad for favoring it, but that it is simply what women are biologically prone to favor, and that aspects become quite negative as they become exaggerated and one must be on guard against that. That sort of nuance is simply lacking in most discussions of the topic. Men and women tend to approach competitive situations differently through different methods, and both methods can go wrong when applied badly; the less introspective and careful will be more prone towards veering off into the bad.
Now, I go on to part 2!
Thanks for reading this! I was a little concerned about wordiness, so it's nice to have some external validation for that concern. I do see places where my writing could stand to lose some fat. I'm working on this aspect of my writing.
I agree that there is some nuance unfortunately missing from this discussion. People can be quite reactionary to things they dislike. There's a lot of noise between people of opposing views, online especially. Lots of pigeonholing. "You're a man so you obviously like XYZ and think XYZ about women." "You're a woman so you should obviously be XYZing." It's nauseating.
Great stuff! Ever since John Carter's piece, I knew it was only a matter of time before we were gifted a "Tonic Femininity" essay. I've always thought femininity as a concept is harder to put into words, but I'm not sure if that's just me looking in as a man or what. Looking forward especially to reading part 2-- we get hit over the head these days with discussions about toxic masculinity, but toxic femininity on the other hand is under discussed. Cheers!
Thank you so much for reading! I agree. As soon as that article came out, I was curious how tonic femininity might be described. But even after the many articles on tonic masculinity that followed, I had to do some thinking about how the tonic concept could be applied to femininity while doing justice to both. When I learned about Joyce Benenson's work, I realized the framework of female competition would be a suitable tool for getting the conversation started. Just speculating here, but perhaps the reason you've thought the concept of femininity is harder to articulate has to do with this very framework. Women may compete less conspicuously than men on average, but they are still competing nonetheless. It's just harder to detect. I found Dr. Benenson's work very clarifying and satisfying as a model for understanding myself a little better as well as broadening my ability to articulate what is happening much of the time in my interactions with other women.
I am also in agreement with you on how toxic masculinity is far overblown compared to the taboo conversation about toxic femininity. I'm not entirely sure, but I also suspect one reason it is harder to hold women accountable for their toxicity is that they can be very good at concealing it through the safe, subtle, and solitary methods described here.